Family Systems Theory

 Let's talk about family! Family can look very different for lots of people. Dynamics can be different for everyone. There are roles that family members play that are important to the function and dynamic to the family. The concept of the family systems theory begins to explain family roles and the way the dynamic changes according to your family members. According to the Bowen Center for the Study of the Family, “Bowen family systems theory is a theory of human behavior that views the family as an emotional unit and uses systems thinking to describe the unit’s complex interactions. It is the nature of a family that its members are intensely connected emotionally.” This theory is basically about how family members are connected and affected by the other family members. It is more of a feeling than fact. Family members have different personalities and emotions, experiences, and habits. Everyone in the family system grows attached to those qualities and characteristics so much so that they grow to become interdependent.

A simple example of this can be how a family sets the table. For me all growing up we all ate dinner together at our kitchen table. We would set all seven plates, knives, forks, spoons, cups, and napkins all around the table. We grew accustomed to this simple act. Then there came a day when this changed. My precious amazing beautiful little sister Amanda passed away when she was eight years old. When we went to go set the table we grabbed seven of everything only to sadly become aware of our new reality that we now only needed six of everything to set the table. This changed our family dynamic of setting the table. Now, that example of setting the table was to help get your minds familiar with the concept. When it comes to the family systems theory it is actually much deeper than a simple action or habit of setting the table. It deals a lot more with emotions. How one reacts emotionally to a family member's actions or words or choices. Let's use another example. There is a family with four sisters, two of which are in high school and the other two in middle and elementary school. Your dad goes to work and your mom stays home. It has been a long week for the entire family. The family got back from a week out of town because they were attending a family friend’s funeral. The girls went back to school. By Friday everyone was tired and ready for the weekend. The two younger sisters were pretty shaken after attending the funeral and started feeling anxious throughout the week. They were worn out and sharing their emotions clearly is something they still are working on. The dad jumps back into work and shoves his emotions down to make it through the work week. Their sweet mother has been home all week processing the death of their friend and talks freely about it at dinner as it helps her cope. Even though the mother has been able to cope with it and process she has not clearly communicated her true emotions out loud. Now the oldest sister has been listening to all of her family members' thoughts and emotions throughout the week. She feels like she needs to do something to help them, but when it comes to this stuff there really isn't anything to do. She takes on her family's grief and emotions. The other oldest sister is an observer. She can see how her family is reacting and going about the week after the funeral. She can tell that her family is still upset and she doesn’t know what to do to help her family so she also takes on her family’s anxieties. By the end of the week the two older sisters have taken on so much that they had a dramatic outburst that disrupted their families dynamic and heightened their families anxieties. From that we learn the family systems theory is a way of emotions and connections. “This connectedness and reactivity make the functioning of family members interdependent. A change in one person’s functioning is predictably followed by reciprocal changes in the functioning of others. Families differ somewhat in their degree of interdependence, but it is always present to some degree.” 

It is important and beneficial to come to understand family systems theory, because it will bring awareness to how your family members react and depend on one another. When you can understand your dynamic in a way you can be more patient and come to know and understand each other's needs. This will help bring attention to problem areas and offer opportunities to learn and grow.